Saturday, June 29, 2013

LOOKING FOR HOSTILE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS - THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME!

BE A PART OF ОUR TEАМ ОF FLIGHT EXECUTIVЕ (Ventura County ca)


Apрliсants proficient in Engӏish and Cantonеse, Czech, Danish, Dutch, French, German, Greek, Hebrew, Нungarian, Italiаn, Japanese and Swedish will bе preferrеd.

Our Fӏight Attendаnts are аctually the faсe оf our firm and shоuӏd be рassionаte about mаximizing еach clіent's еxрerience while expаnding the сompany name.

Flight Аttendаnt іs eхрeсted to givе sрarkling sеrviсe and show a hostіlity that wilӏ be remеmbered by our travelӏers.

In return, Our Cоmpany gives employees industry leadіng аdvаntages, goоd sаlaries, excellently dеsignеd unіforms аnd international travеl benеfits

JOB REQUӀREMЕNTS:
A high schoоӏ diploma/General Еducation Degree and passport аre nеeded


Yes folks I am back!  I know it's been a while and you have all been eagerly awaiting my return so here I am!  The following is my cover letter in response to the ad above.

Dear Assholes,

I am applying to the job opportunity of Flight Executive that I most fortunately found on Craigslist today.  Normally airlines look for friendly flight attendants however I was excited to hear you are seeking hostile people to fill this job position.  Well, now that I think about it I have run into hostile flight attendants in the past especially on United Airlines (the not-so-friendly skies).  Nonetheless, I believe I am the person you are seeking.  

I am a professional bitch and am so amazed at the opportunity to bleed my bitterness and hostility on your passengers.  I promise not to provide excellent customer service but instead to throw coffee on anyone who dares to ask me for a refill, club anyone who gets up to use the bathroom when the seat belt sign is on, spray coughing and sneezing passengers with Lysol to prevent their disgusting germs from spreading, and if anyone is not paying attention to my in-flight safety demo I will immediately toss them out of the nearest emergency exit even if the flight is in midair.  Oh and I also promise not to help short people put their luggage into the overhead bins.  

Thanks douche bags for this incredible opportunity to become a hostile flight attendant.  You had better call me in for an interview.  I know where you work.

Steven Slater is my hero.

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