Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Seedy Domestic Gig

SUBMISSIVE PERSONAL ASSISTANT WANTED (WLA)


Reply to: gigs-663044420@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-30, 8:30PM PDT

Young attractive female assistant needed-part time- weekends-$24/hr. Outstanding upscale environment.




Location: WLA
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: $24/hr.
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Hmmm...Submissive Personal Assistant. I love these seedy domestic gig ads. This is definitely not the seediest one I've seen in this section but I am definitely sensing a creepy vibe here. Does "submissive" mean tasks of a sexual nature or "submissive" as in, "Bitch - bring me some coffee stat! Or sharpen my pencil you good for nothing shit eater!" "Yes Master...don't hurt me." May we please be more specific here? I would assume the hefty paycheck of $24 per hour (especially for the vast amounts of young and struggling starlets in L.A.) is not limited to answering phones, picking up dry cleaning and taking dictation but actually taking dick. Forgive me, I just had to. Just in case the person who placed this sees my blog...Craigslist has a convenient "Erotic Services" section for your use. Keep your dirty dirty self away from Domestic Gigs. Thank you.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Extreme Missed Connection circa 1993

WERE YOU WALKING SUNSET IN JANUARY 1993? - m4w

Reply to: pers-654203797@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-23, 11:50PM

This is probably a huge, major, almost impossible shot in the dark, but....

I was driving down Sunset Boulevard late at night (probably more like 2:30 - 3 a.m.) in a blue pick-up truck (it was shiny and new)close to the west end - *really west, almost the beach, during the 3rd week of January, 1993.

I was the only one on the road, and you were the only one on the sidewalk - walking. We made eye contact and really had a connection - if you can have such a connection with just eye contact -

I have always wished I would have stopped to talk - but I was new in town and kind of freaked out by the idea.....

if you think this is you - please respond and tell me what you remember. along with a description of yourself, and myself, then

Hopeful

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Dude, you have got to be totally kidding, right? Please tell me this is a joke. Almost impossible? ALMOST?? Buddy, you would have a better chance being clubbed on the head by a caveman. I believe the procrastination bug has bitten off your calf. Either that or you have a serious case of living in the past. OR is finding the woman of your dreams in Los Angeles really that impossible? Hmmm...could be now that I think about it. But seriously pal, it looks like you're gonna take this Missed Connection to your grave. I have just three words for ya: GET OVER IT! Poor guy...I almost feel sorry for you. By the way...thank you Kate for finding this!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Prince Charming is dead ladies!

Prince Charming is dead and I have his severed head - 35 (Hollywood)


Reply to: pers-657853815@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-26, 11:00PM PDT

For all you silly little girls out there living unsatisfying love lives and havibng lousy sex, I just wanted to know that you are getting exactly what you deserve because you expect it all to be handed to you by some fictional guy who's entire function revolves around you and not him.

There is no Prince Charming. It is a lie. You were a fool to ever want it. Like most fools, you think the easy path is the best 'cause it's so easy. But it's actually the most difficult, disappointing path, because nothing good comes easy. You have to work at it. A man is not a prince born just to serve you. You have to give in order to get, ladies. If your sex life sucks, if your love life sucks, it is because YOU suck. Women who go around blaming all the men in their lif when the common factor is always that woman and not the men she is with are women who are never going to living satisfying love lives or enjoy great sex.

Being pretty isn't enough. Having sex with a man isn't enough. YOU have to get what YOU want out of life, whether it be love, sex, or anything else. If you want a Prince Charming to come along and do all the work, then you are nothing but selfish, lazy, vain, and delusional. Thinking YOUR happiness is going to come from somebody else is sheer stupidity. Why do you even want a Prince Charming in the first place? Why do you believe in a fairy tale that is a joke?

So there you go. If you find yourself on craigslist now because your delusions and vanities have lead you to have a lame love life, let Prince Charming go. He's dead. I have his severed head. You have no choice but to move on now and make yourself a woman by finding a man. Or would you rather stay unsatisfied?


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Dear Mr. Warm and Fuzzy... I am confused why you placed your ad in "Men Seeking Women" since you seem to have an obvious disdain for us. However I am soooo glad you severed Prince Charming's head! THANK YOU! Up until now he was the source of all of our high expectations stemming back to little girlhood. We were raised on Cinderella, Snow White, and Barbie marrying Ken even though he has no penis. We have been completely sucked dry of any reality when it comes to men. You fixed it! Congratulations! I'm sure after reading your ad women will be filling your inbox with their desperate pleas to date you. Your eyes give off such a kind and gentle vibe. I would date you myself if I was single. Really...you're hot.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Watch out folks! She's had enough!

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! w4m - 99 (Westside)


Reply to: pers-653986784@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-23, 6:59PM PDT


I AM SICK AND TIRED OF DROWNING MY SORROWS IN CHOCOLATE

THE THING I LOVE THE MOST & HAS BEEN MY IDENTITY HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM ME, ALTHOUGH TEMPORARY, I AM STILL SUFFERING & SUFFERING BADLY. and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG IN THE UNIVERSE TO DESERVE THIS? WHAT CAN I DO TO FIX IT? WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MOTHER SHUT UP?!?!?

WHAT'S THE USE OF BEING BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, AND SMART IF I AM ALL FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD WITH A CRIMINAL RECORD. YA...THAT'S MY F'IN LIFE!

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I'm serious...I swear I am not making these ads up. I almost can't believe how easy it is to find such F***ed up people on CL in a matter of 2 minutes of browsing ads. I thought the "Strictly Platonic" section would be fairly tame but this is what I found! Why are people so afraid of confrontation they feel they have no choice but to post an ad on CL as a desperate plea for help from the universe. I have some advice for you sweetheart: Get off of your ass, throw the chocolate away, stop doing things that lead to a criminal record, talk to your mom, and most of all: STOP POSTING ADS ON CRAIGSLIST HOPING YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER TO ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Perverted freaks posing as artists

$40/hour for nude female models for painting (West Hollywood)


Reply to: gigs-648854896@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-19, 6:39PM PDT


This is not an adult/sex-related job. Earn good money holding still pose for painter. Costumed in period wear but full nudity. Multiple models in portrait. Sessions will usually last two to three hours - must be available for several sessions.

Respond with any experience and pics (clothed is fine.)




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Yes folks, this is a real life Craigslist ad. Alright, so would you pose buck naked for some pervert from CL representing himself as a "painter" for the sake of art? And for a mere $40? Hmmm....this is a tough one. My favorite part is when he says "Costumed in period wear but full nudity." WTF????!! If you are supposed to be in the buff then please tell me how "period wear" is relevant. Don't worry, according to the ad this is not an adult/sex-related job. That should put your mind at ease when applying. Oh yes...don't forget to send him your "clothed" pics.

Missed connections taken literally

Flying Carpet To Curson - m4w (WeHo)



Missed the connection this morning. Saw you in bedroom and pressed myself against you but our privates didn't connect. Maybe soon? I'd like that.

Will be thinking about you later if you know what I mean




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EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WTF?? And we wonder why dating in L.A. is so difficult. Shit... First of all, I HATE the section "Missed Connections" on Craigslist and you will be seeing more rants on this subject in the future. This person took the term "Missed Connections" WAY too literally. For the other pathetic losers who post their desperate ads in this section, grow some gonads and approach the object of your desire in the moment. Don't wait and post some stalker-like ad at the end of the day hoping the other person will be just as big of a loser as you are and be scanning "Missed Connections" for your post. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!